When Jokes Go Too Far: Fear, Cortisol, and Repair
Last night I played a joke on my kids that I thought would be harmless. It wasn’t one of those jump-out-and-scare-you pranks, but it still didn’t land how I expected. Instead, it left my daughter shaken up for hours and it reminded me of the powerful lesson about fear, stress, and the way our kids' bodies respond when they think something’s really wrong.
Jokes on me…
I was in the kitchen putting up the Pozole soup our cook made. She had left the chicken feet in the pot, and it kind of caught me off guard. That’s when I got the not-so-great idea to pull a prank.
I put on a button-up shirt, hid one of my arms inside, and held one of the chicken feet at the end to make it look like my hand was gone. Then I screamed like something had happened to me.
My husband came in first, and I motioned to him that it was a joke. But then our 6-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son entered from their bedroom. They didn’t know what was going on, but my daughter immediately started crying and asked if my hand had fallen off. My son got upset too.
I stopped right away and showed them it was just a joke. But by that point, it was too late. They were already scared and bawling their eyes out. I pulled them both into a hug, apologized, and told them I didn’t mean to scare them, and I thought it would be funny. They didn’t think so.
They asked to sleep in our bed that night. My daughter told me, “You shouldn’t joke about stuff like that, because it could really happen,” and then she said that she prayed and asked God for it not to happen to me. Phew…That’s when I realized this wasn’t just a funny moment gone wrong, this hit her deeper.
While trying to settle them down afterward, I apologized again and said something like, “Based on how this went, I need to rethink any pranks for April Fools’ Day.” Without missing a beat, my daughter said, “After this, I’m not participating in April Fools’ Day.”
That really stuck with me. Did I just traumatize my kids?
Two Very Different Reactions
Even though both of my kids cried at first, their reactions after that were really different.
My son was able to calm down. He stayed in our bed for a little while, then went to sleep in his room and slept through the night.
But my daughter struggled.
When I went to check on her later, she was shivering. She told me she was still scared. She said her stomach felt sick and asked for a cold rag for her head. I prayed over her, told her I would stay with her, and played lullabies to help her relax. But she kept waking up, and the fear hadn’t fully left her body.
That’s when I remembered something I learned years ago while using The Happy Child App about what happens in the body when we feel fear or stress: cortisol.
Our Body Keeps Score
Cortisol is a stress hormone. When something scary or stressful happens, your body releases it to help you deal with it.
For kids, this can be a lot. Their brains and nervous systems are still developing, so they can’t always tell the difference between real danger and a joke. If they think something serious is happening, their bodies react as if it is real.
That reaction? Shaking. Feeling sick. Crying. Trouble sleeping. Even if you tell them “It was just a joke,” their body already responded like it was real.
The Long-term Impact
When kids go through moments like this often like constant yelling in the home, scary media, feeling unsafe at school or in public, it adds up.
Too much cortisol over time can impact sleep, memory, anxiety, and how they handle stress even when they’re adults.
Research has shown that children who experience high levels of stress are more likely to develop behavioral problems later in life. For example, a study found that children with behavioral issues often have abnormal cortisol levels, which can affect their ability to regulate emotions and behavior.
That’s why emotional safety matters. I’m a silly person, so now I have to figure out where’s the balance and acknowledge what is age-appropriate. We aren’t perfect as parents so I think the best we can do is to notice not just what’s happening in the moment, but how their bodies and hearts react after.
What Happened Next
I stayed with my daughter through the night.
I apologized (more than once).
I reminded her that I was safe and she was safe.
I didn’t try to explain away her feelings; I just listened and held space.
And on the way to school this morning, we talked about it again.
I told them I thought I was being funny, but I see now that it wasn’t funny. I let them share how they felt individually and promised, no more scary jokes like that. My son even commented that he likes my jokes, just not those kind. Ha!
Motherhood Is Not Always Getting It Right
We (Parents) don’t always get it right. I thought I was being silly, and I scared my kids instead. But we can repair. We can listen. We can learn.
We can talk about these things with each other because understanding how our kids’ bodies respond to stress can help us show up better for them.
And With That, I Leave You With
Kids don’t just feel fear—they store it in their bodies.
Just because a child looks calm doesn’t mean they’ve processed what happened.
Emotional safety is something we protect with our actions, words, and presence.
It's okay to mess up, but always repair.
We’re all learning. Grace for ourselves, and grace for our babies.
Peace
- Chanel